I was a different person when I went into the hospital than when I came out. My entire being shifted inside that one tiny hospital room and I could no longer claim to be the Sarah I had been my entire life. Because now I was a parent and with the birth of my son I once again split into a new version of myself.
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There are so many times in our lives that we can clearly see a change in who we are and where our life is going. Oftentimes one of those biggest markers is when we become a parent. But what about the other times - the ones you didn’t even realize were dividing lines until well into the future when you realize that your life went down one path when it could’ve gone down another.
I was thinking about this recently thanks to the book I’m reading (How the Light Gets In by Joyce Maynard if you’re curious) and though I could readily pull up certain before and afters, others were a little more subtle.
The first I can really pinpoint is when I moved away to college. At 18 I was on my own for the first time, in a new city, where I didn’t know anyone. This split me into a new path where I was learning to be independent, learning to be on my own, learning that I could count on myself no matter what. I could’ve stayed close to home, gone to a local school and stayed with the people I had known for years. But I chose to break away and try somewhere new - something I’ve done countless other times in my life since.
After that the next dividing line was when I was living in Philadelphia working at, what on paper, was my dream job. I had gone to school for fashion, and now I was working as an assistant buyer. I should’ve been happy. But yet again I was far away from home where I didn’t know anyone, and I had an absolutely terrible boss (a story for another day). This was the line that told me that no matter what, I wanted to be HAPPY in my career. It mattered less to me how much I made and more to me that I would enjoy what I was doing. And though it took me a while to get to the point where I was happy in my career, it was in a tiny Philadelphia apartment that I knew what I wanted in my future.
The next dividing line is another one of those obvious ones - and it’s when I met my husband, Brandon. I hadn’t been looking for my next great love story but it found me anyway, in a really loud bar, at a table full of my friends and his friends. Marrying Brandon has been one of those times that who I am shifted when I became part of this partnership. There’s a lot of me - the independent woman who wants to do things on her own - mixed with this new version who has learned to let him in and remind me that I don’t HAVE to do things on my own.
And then of course, comes the moment I referenced earlier - the biggest before and after that I could imagine - becoming a parent. Having Henry, as someone who wasn’t sure she even wanted kids, has turned me into someone I don’t always recognize. So much of me is still in there, but caring for this other human who has his own thoughts and dreams and life that are completely separate from me, has taught me more than I even knew possible. And because I never thought I’d be good at this (and I wasn’t alone), it has given me a gift of confidence in myself.
After Henry comes the decision to start my own magazine. At the time it was never in the plans to become an entrepreneur. I wanted a high powered corporate job. It wasn’t in the cards to work in a corner of my bedroom in sweatpants. But that magazine and the community built around it had a mind of its own and over the next nearly decade of working for myself, I have found a life that makes me happier than I ever expected I could be. I found what I was missing in Philly - that urge to be HAPPY in my career.
The last dividing line came back in 2018 when Harrison came into our lives. Though I had already shifted in such a monumental way when I had Henry, the shift with Harrison was quieter, but just as important. I was suddenly the mom of two, and I knew that I wanted more time with them - something I never would’ve predicted. I wanted to continue working on my own business, but I also wanted to be home with my boys, and to take them to the park at 11:30 on a Wednesday morning, and I wanted to be able to snuggle them when they were sick, and read to their class when they were in school. So with the birth of Harrison came the realization that I could combine that dream of being with them, with the dream of keeping my own business running, and I left my corporate job.
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Sometimes these dividing lines are so crystal clear. Sometimes they’re a little more subtle and take some investigation to see who you were before and who you are now. But each of them, no matter how big, is important.
I’d love to hear about your biggest before and afters in your life. Tell me in the comments!
My biggest before and after is definitely moving to the US from China at age 12. It opened up my world (figuratively and literally). My sister stayed in China and our lives couldn’t be more different. Thank you for sharing, Sarah. Love ❤️ the simple idea of reflecting on the dividing lines!
This hits home two weeks before I take my eldest son to college. 🥲