I’ve been listening to some workshops on Substack and the questions the host always asks are: Why are your readers there? Why are they reading your newsletter? What value are you bringing to them?
For so long I’ve shrugged that off because, after all, I started this space FOR ME.
Or, at least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself. It didn’t matter how many people were reading, it didn’t matter if my words connected with someone. All that mattered is that I had a space where I could write when for so long I put that passion on the back burner.
But obviously, that isn’t the complete truth. Because if all I wanted was to have a place to write, I could do that in private in a journal. Or in a google doc. Or any number of places that didn’t require me to push “Publish” when I was done.
I didn’t want to dig deeper into that idea though because that would mean there is a (large) piece of me that’s over-analyzing every time I hit publish. It’s me admitting that every time I hit publish I think
please like what I wrote,
please like how I shared it,
please like… me.
And that’s the scariest part of all, right? In sharing my life, I’m essentially saying to you “please like me.” But we don’t want to admit to that because it feels shameful, and gross, and needy.
Ugh, needy. The worst feeling. We don’t want to admit that we need other people even though we are clearly social animals. But that over-neediness, that feeling of begging to be liked, of laying ourselves bare in the hopes that someone will say “yes, you, I like you” is far too much to admit to.
So we hide behind the platitudes of not caring about the numbers or the likes or the comments. But in doing so we’re really doing a disservice to both ourselves, and to the person reading. It can come off as if “I don’t care.”
But I do care. I’m willing to admit that every single time I hit publish on an essay here on Human Feelings I’m hoping that you will read it and respond to me about your own experiences. I’m hoping that you’ll share it with someone else and that that someone else will become a new reader. I’m hoping that what I wrote will so resonate with you that you’ll upgrade and become a paid subscriber.
All of those things are validation in a space where I swore I didn’t need it. I just wanted a space to write.
So, what does sharing my life each week actually do to help in the world? I’ve been sharing on the internet since 2011. Not because I’m hoping for a book deal. Not because I expect writing to become my career. So then, why? My answer has always been because I want to connect with other people over shared experiences. But I think it’s deeper than that, too. And I need to spend some time exploring it.
Here’s where I get needy.
Now, we go back to the original question - why are YOU here? You, the reader. There are plenty of places to read incredible writing based on life experiences on millions of corners of the internet. So what makes Human Feelings, or more specifically, what makes Sarah Hartley a space for you to spend your time?
I’m not sure if I have an answer to that. So I’m going to put myself out there, and be needy, and ASK - why ARE you here? Why do you read my words? What made you want to give me your email address in the first place?
I genuinely am asking - so please hit respond and tell me. Or leave me a comment on Substack for this post. Let’s see if I can figure out an answer once and for all.
And just to be clear, even if I swear I write for me, I’m really writing for US. And I’m so, so glad that you’re here reading.
If this post meant something to you, or resonated with you and your life, I hope you’ll consider becoming a paid subscriber. For just $5/month you can support my writing here at Human Feelings as I work to connect us through shared experiences and give you a safe place to land. Click here to upgrade your subscription.
I'm here because sometimes I, too, feel that tingle in my hands when I am about to read a book and reach for my phone. It's just a moment in my day and I can't bring myself to message my friends with zero context just to tell them, or to ask if they've ever felt the same. Yet here you are, a stranger on the other side of the world experiencing this same feeling and talking about it! It's like I accidentally opened a door and liked the place/the people/the conversation and decided to take a sit and participate :)
I’m here because I love you and because you build amazing communities and I enjoy reading about what you write about. I’m a big feeler of Human Feelings so I think I fit in here. xo