As a principal I saw this often with kiddos. Parents would report behavior at home that we didn't see at school. I knew parent reports were accurate and their concern was genuine. So what could we do? With my student support team, we advised parents to shift the focus from worried questions to asking their child all the things that were great about the day. Questions needed to be specific. What did you learn in math (or any subject) today? Or, who did you play with at recess, what did you play? My favorite questions every day for my grandson were What did you learn? and Who did you help? His answers to the second one were always my favorite. :-) It occurs to me that you could ask another question - Who helped you? It reminds kiddos that it's okay to ask for or need help. :-)
This sounds hard to navigate. I had two kids with anxiety but it didn’t look like this. Is he acting less confident/anxious in other ways too? Like not wanting to go places or see friends or other things? Could he be enjoying the attention that he’s getting from this? Or could he be practicing *care*? It sounds so much like checking for consent…maybe he sees someone else acting this way and is trying it out? I pose all of these questions because he says nothing is wrong.
I’m sorry I don’t have practical advice/experience with this and can’t be more helpful.
Thank you, Laci. He doesn't act this way about anything else so it's so confusing. BUT, I will say that after he got home from talking to the counselor yesterday, he seems to have almost completely stopped, or he catches himself doing it and will stop. But we also had a really long talk at bedtime last night and I think I'm uncovering some things that are feeling hard for him in school as he navigates this first year. So hopefully soon our confident guy will be back!
That makes sense. I think sometimes it’s so hard for young people to understand themselves, and verbalize things that are bothering them. I hope you both can continue to uncover what’s hard and untangle it. xo
As a principal I saw this often with kiddos. Parents would report behavior at home that we didn't see at school. I knew parent reports were accurate and their concern was genuine. So what could we do? With my student support team, we advised parents to shift the focus from worried questions to asking their child all the things that were great about the day. Questions needed to be specific. What did you learn in math (or any subject) today? Or, who did you play with at recess, what did you play? My favorite questions every day for my grandson were What did you learn? and Who did you help? His answers to the second one were always my favorite. :-) It occurs to me that you could ask another question - Who helped you? It reminds kiddos that it's okay to ask for or need help. :-)
This is really helpful Christine, thank you!! I'm going to start asking him these questions today!
This sounds hard to navigate. I had two kids with anxiety but it didn’t look like this. Is he acting less confident/anxious in other ways too? Like not wanting to go places or see friends or other things? Could he be enjoying the attention that he’s getting from this? Or could he be practicing *care*? It sounds so much like checking for consent…maybe he sees someone else acting this way and is trying it out? I pose all of these questions because he says nothing is wrong.
I’m sorry I don’t have practical advice/experience with this and can’t be more helpful.
Thank you, Laci. He doesn't act this way about anything else so it's so confusing. BUT, I will say that after he got home from talking to the counselor yesterday, he seems to have almost completely stopped, or he catches himself doing it and will stop. But we also had a really long talk at bedtime last night and I think I'm uncovering some things that are feeling hard for him in school as he navigates this first year. So hopefully soon our confident guy will be back!
That makes sense. I think sometimes it’s so hard for young people to understand themselves, and verbalize things that are bothering them. I hope you both can continue to uncover what’s hard and untangle it. xo