It’s Monday morning and I’m staring at a blank page. The cursor is incessantly blinking, whispering “write” *blink* “write” *blink* “write” *blink*. It’s mocking me, the way it’s continuing to blink while I continue to not know what to write. I’ve been for a walk, I’ve read through a stack of prompts I keep, I’ve looked through the list of ideas waiting for me in Trello. But the cursor continues to blink. And I continue to stare at a blank page.
Just write something, anything. You have a deadline. Now write.
It’s not helpful, this whisper. The minutes are ticking by and I know I have a finite amount of time to get this done today.
But the whispers continue. The blinking continues.
//
One of my favorite Substack-ers is Lauren over at
. She and I are convinced we are the same person, or, at least have very similar thoughts. And one of her most recent posts “Does Manifesting Make Me Ungrateful?” is (unsurprisingly) something that I think about a lot as well.I’ve been accused fairly often by people in my life that I’m not grateful for what I have, that I’m always looking for what’s next. And it’s true - I am always searching, dreaming. But does that mean I’m ungrateful? I tend not to agree. I am truly thankful for the way that my life looks now. I’m happy, I’m content.
But also, I know there is more out there for me. And that doesn’t mean a big overhaul of my life. I want to keep all of these main pieces, the people, the places, the feelings. But I want to expand, too. I want to keep growing as a person both internally and also in the things around me.
Is that being ungrateful? Or is it having dreams?
//
As I said, it’s Monday morning as I’m trying to get these thoughts out. It’s the first day of Spring Break and the first thing I thought about was “well, how am I going to get any work done this week?” Even in the ten or so minutes I’ve been working on this, I’ve been interrupted by the kids to get a bandaid, to say the rest of a banana could be thrown away, to approve a snack.
And it’s these times that I remember that while yes, working for myself is one of the greatest gifts of my life, I also don’t have anyone else to rely on. If I don’t do the work, the work doesn’t get done, and I don’t get paid.
How is there ever a balance to be had? How can I enjoy Spring Break with my kids while also making sure that there is money still coming into my bank account, that I’m still doing the work my clients are waiting on?
//
A recent new paid subscriber (hi Marita!) said “I enjoy that you write from the heart. You are not afraid to write your true feelings even though it might be uncomfortable to write or for others to read.”
There’s nothing else I wanted to say on this other than I am so grateful to those of you who are willing to part with $5 a month to join me in this experiment of being honest and vulnerable. And who stick around to read these “true feelings” of mine.
//
I’ve realized in the past couple of months that my time spent mindlessly scrolling on Instagram has increased, by a lot. I open up the app on autopilot, and mostly when I’m sitting with a book right next to me. I can’t figure out what the pull is, why I’m so checked out of the rest of the world lately and more willing to dive into the social media world.
But I’m realizing just how not good it’s making me feel. There is truly nothing I’m getting out of Instagram - I don’t use it for my business much anymore. I use it to talk about these newest essays for Human Feelings but that’s not where most of my readers are coming from. So is it finally time to say that I’m able to, if not leave it behind, figure out a way to take long breaks from it? If my business no longer relies on it, and I’m finding myself wasting my time there, maybe it’s time to do the thing I’ve always claimed I’ve wanted to do and take a step back.
And maybe that means it’s time to finally read Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. It’s been sitting on my shelves for years now. So maybe it’s finally time to pick it up, to say yes to what it has to offer me.
Anyone want to buddy read and go on this journey alongside me?
And also, if you’ve worked to step away from social media, I’d love to hear your best practices for making it stick.
//
Tonight we’re taking the boys to a Cleveland Cavaliers basketball game. Basketball was always my first sports love, and there is nothing like hearing the squeak of the shoes, the bounce of the ball, the roar of the crowd as you sit inside a stadium with nearly 20,000 other fans. My brother works for the Cavs and is able to get us tickets - the last time sitting us so near the court that I think we were in shock the majority of the game. The players were RIGHT THERE, just a few rows ahead of us.
While we likely won’t get that lucky again this time, I’m so glad that the kids are just as excited as I am.
These are the types of things I wish I spent my money on more often - experiences. But instead, I spend it on a new hat I don’t need, or a book that’ll likely sit on my shelves for years until I read it, or a random toy that the kids insist they’ll die without but won’t play with for longer than a week. And just like the social media, I’m determined to make a change here.
When we were away for my birthday a couple weeks ago, my husband and I talked about no longer giving the boys birthday presents, but instead taking them somewhere that they really want to go. And yes, an indoor waterpark came up (because, after all, their birthdays are in January and February and there’s not a lot of options in Pennsylvania when it’s that cold), but what we really mean is - the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, New York City (though this is a me adventure because my husband refuses to go) - to go see waterfalls and mountains and sand.
To do those things with them that get them out of their comfort zone and experiencing the world and other cultures.
It’s the experiences I treasure and look back on. And I can’t wait for tonight's newest one.
I’d love to hear where in the US you’ve taken kids that you’ve all absolutely loved. What should we add to our bucket list?
//
Thank you for reading this random assortment of thoughts. Sometimes when the cursor won’t stop blinking and the whispers tell me that I’m failing at being a writer, I just have to take all of those jumbles inside of me and get them down on paper. To clear them from my mind in order for other ideas to take their place. It’s how I organize the chaos.
Hi Sarah! Lauren pointed me to your post because of your mention on Digital Minimalism—it’s a favorite of mine and I think about it constantly since I read it last year. Can definitely recommend! :)
I have curbed my Instagram usage a lot by replacing that time with Substack instead, and I’ve found that the longer I go without looking at IG, the less I think about or crave/miss it. It’s seriously out of sight, out of mind. However, I still struggle with compulsive checking on apps like my email and budgeting app instead of picking up that book next to me on the couch…it’s a journey. I’ve yet to implement the detox talked about in Digital Minimalism but I want to!
Yes to long breaks from social! It’s so hard, but if you can have more in depth convos here, then it’s worth it.